More and more these days, porn addiction is becoming a serious issue for couples everywhere. The abundance and accessibility to explicit material is a significant factor in this, but the other problem is that most addicts don’t seek the help that they need.
If your spouse is suffering from porn addiction, you may be worried that it could spell disaster for your marriage. All too often, it can seem like an insurmountable problem that will never go away, which is why it can create such a rift between you.
Fortunately, there is hope.
Today we want to discuss how you can work with your spouse to end his porn addiction. We’re not saying that it’s going to be easy or quick, but it can go a long way toward repairing your relationship and building a stronger foundation together.
Step One: Confront Your Spouse
One of the primary reasons why porn addiction is such an issue for couples is that it’s much like cheating. Your husband is sneaking around behind your back, viewing sexually explicit material without your knowledge or consent. Simply put, even though he is not engaging in sexual acts with another person directly, the implications are almost the same.
When you discover his porn habits, it can feel like a betrayal. He has betrayed your trust, as well as the covenant of your marriage. However, that doesn’t mean that you can’t come back from it.
The first step towards recovery is helping your spouse admit that he has a problem. If you stay silent, then you are complicit in his actions, so the sooner you can confront him, the better. Some things to remember when approaching your spouse-
- Don’t Be Aggressive: if you attack him for his actions, then he will naturally get defensive, which will only make things worse. Yes, you will be feeling outraged and frustrated, but releasing these emotions will make it more challenging to create a positive foundation for recovery.
- Share How it Makes You Feel: you understand why porn addiction can be so destructive, but perhaps he doesn’t. Sharing your feelings and explaining your position can help him see that his actions have serious consequences.
Overall, when confronting your spouse, the goal here is to establish the lines of communication. If he feels like he can be honest with you, then there is a higher chance of success. If he believes that you won’t understand or that you’ll only be angry with him, it will spur him to hide it from you more.
Step Two: Set a Path For Recovery
Once you’ve exposed the addiction, now begins the most challenging part – recovery. For many addicts, it can be incredibly difficult to quit, which is why you have to be both patient and supportive. Remember, porn is abundant and accessible, which will mean that your spouse will be tempted a lot. However, with the right attitude and patience, you can get through this together.
Make a Commitment to Each Other
Recovery from porn addiction is a long-term process, so it’s crucial that you make a commitment to each other for the long haul. What you have to remember is that it can be so easy to relapse, so you have to be vigilant at all times. Even if your spouse has been porn-free for years, a small slip-up could undo all of that.
The other thing you have to realize is that recovery is only going to work if he is committed to changing. If he isn’t, then anything you do will be for naught as he will just try to get around it or hide his actions from you later on.
While his commitment will be to stop the addiction and focus on your relationship, your commitment should be to support him during this process. Addicts are incapable of stopping on their own – if they could, then they wouldn’t be addicted in the first place. Thus, it’s critical that he has someone by his side that can keep him on the right path.
Seek Help From Others
Although you are going to be a guiding light for your spouse during his recovery, you shouldn’t be the only one holding him accountable. In fact, it could create more problems if you are.
The reason why you should try to find a third party to help with his recovery is that it will make it much easier to resolve the issue in the long term. Because you’re the one that he’s hurting with his actions, it will be difficult to admit when he’s succumbed to his addiction. Every time he slips, he will want to hide it from you, which will only create more problems.
Whether it’s a trusted friend, family member, or religious confidant, having another person help you both through this experience will ensure long-lasting success. Also, it will help you to share your feelings with someone who isn’t the source of your grief and frustration.
Bottom Line
Working with your spouse to beat porn addiction is not an easy task, but it’s an important one. Best of all, getting through it together means that your relationship will only get stronger and more resilient over time. Don’t let porn tear you apart – let it create a lasting bond that can’t be broken.
