Is pornography starting to take over your life? Do you find yourself hiding your habits from your spouse for fear of her finding out? If so, then you are probably suffering from pornography addiction.
Unfortunately, these days porn is not as stigmatized as it used to be. Many people are now under the impression that watching such explicit content is “normal” and a part of everyday life. However, that is simply not the case.
Porn addiction is a real issue, and it could be damaging your marriage. At first, you may think it best to hide your habits from your wife, but that is a huge mistake. Today we want to discuss why telling her is the best thing for your relationship, as well as how you can go about it the right way.
Recognize Your Addiction
First and foremost, it’s imperative that you realize that your habits are a problem. If you’re still in denial that watching porn regularly isn’t hurting your relationship, consider these points and ask yourself these questions.
How often do you watch it? For many addicts, they have a compelling need to watch porn on a daily basis, sometimes watching it multiple times per day.
How long can you go without it? You may think that you can stop if you need to, but can you though? See how long you can last without looking at porn and then decide if it has taken over your life.
Are you explicitly hiding it from your spouse? No matter what excuses you may tell yourself (she doesn’t understand!), the fact is that you’re keeping secrets from her. This is like poison to a relationship, and it will only get worse over time.
Before you can have a conversation with your spouse about your porn habits, it’s crucial that you realize that you are suffering from an addiction. If you’re in denial or you don’t think it’s that big of a deal, then it will be almost impossible to break the cycle and get on the path to recovery.
Talk to Your Spouse
It isn’t going to be enough to admit that you watch porn regularly. When talking to your wife, it’s imperative that you have an open and honest discussion about how and why you are engaging in this activity.
If necessary, you will have to confront the issue on your own so that you can provide some kind of answers when talking to her. More than anything, she will want to know why, so you have to figure out what’s driving this behavior.
If you’re not sure or you’re struggling to come up with an answer, then that’s okay too. Talking to your spouse isn’t a matter of informing her of a situation and seeking approval. The best way to help your recovery is to work together to find a long-term solution.
Consider these points when talking to her.
- How is your behavior affecting her? How does she feel knowing the truth?
- Have you lied about your habits before? What will you do to regain her trust?
- What steps are you going to take to break this cycle?
- How can you work together to find a solution? How can she help you succeed?
Your relationship is more important than any porn you can find online, so it’s essential that you include your wife in the next steps. Sharing your experiences and your struggle will only serve to strengthen your marriage. If you try to go it alone, then it will make it seem like she is an observer of your life, not a part of it.
Seek Recovery
One thing that you may assume when talking to your spouse is that she will forgive you for your transgressions. However, it’s critical that you accept the fact that it may take a while for her to come to terms with your actions.
Nonetheless, if she can’t bring herself to forgive you right away, you still need to find a way to stop the addiction. If you don’t, then it will only continue to wear down the foundations of your marriage until there is only one option left – divorce.
While you may think that her forgiveness is necessary for recovery, it’s not. Yes, you should try and find a way to make things right between you two again, but the fact is that her feelings are her own – you can’t force her to forgive something if she doesn’t want to.
An essential part of this process is recognizing that you’re not alone. Many men suffer from porn addiction, and it’s okay to seek help from others. Now is the time to realize that you’re not going to recover by yourself, so don’t think that it’s something you can just “get over.”
Bottom Line
Recovering from porn addiction is challenging, but the reward is well worth the effort. Yes, it will be difficult, and you will be tempted to regress, but it’s imperative that you start your journey on the right foot.
Talking to your spouse about your shortcomings and your commitment to change will set you on the correct path. Failing to do so could lead to failure, and it could continue to damage your marriage. Now is the time to come clean and build on a new foundation of trust and love for each other.
