As she looked in the mirror, a tidal wave of thoughts flooded her mind: “Why am I so ugly? What is wrong with me? Why can’t I do anything right?”
The sight of her grimace in the mirror frustrated her so much that she had to look away. She felt as if the thoughts in her mind would be the end of her, so she decided to spend the next few hours in front of the TV with a bag of chips. Somehow, watching episode after episode made the current situation easier to bear.
While endlessly staring at the screen, she didn’t have to face the barrage of insults coming from within her own mind. That is, until she lay down in bed a few hours later and couldn’t stop thinking about everything wrong she had done in her life…
The inner voice is so powerful, yet very few pay attention to its hold over them. It can be such a destructive force that it can lead to a person’s physical, spiritual, financial, and emotional downfall. It has the capability to bring even the strongest person down to his or her knees. This powerful force is often ignored or dismissed, but can also be accepted as an eternal truth, which can be even more damaging.
A person’s inner voice is a dialogue that includes thoughts, feelings, and judgments. It is most damaging when it takes on the form of a critical inner voice, one that is degrading, serving as the root cause of maladaptive behavior. It is the part of the mind that makes a person doubt him/herself and also creates suspicion of others. It creates a negative view of the self, others, and the world. When a person’s inner voice is strongly critical, the constant bombardment of negativity leads to depression, anxiety, and many other mental health issues.
A question arises as to where the inner voice originates from. How is one person’s inner voice mostly compassionate while another’s is critical? There are many theories on the subject, yet the consensus seems to be that it is a combination of factors.
The inner voice can stem from the voice of an early caregiver or parent, and from experiences of the individual, such as a past trauma, and/or environmental or familial circumstances. Based on what the individual has gone through during his/her childhood, certain core beliefs may have developed, such as “I’ll never be loved by anyone,” that provide fuel to the inner voice. When an individual with this core belief experiences a breakup with a significant other, his/her inner voice – soaked in this core belief – will spew out critical thoughts.
With an understanding of what the inner voice is and its capability to either destroy or create a person, it is essential to focus on how to discover your own inner voice and then how to conquer it if it is a negative, controlling one.
The first step is awareness, which is being aware of what your inner voice says and recognizing when it is doing the talking. One way to do this is to choose a quiet place and time to look in the mirror. As you stare into the mirror, pay attention to all of the thoughts that flow into your mind about yourself. What is your voice saying about you? What are the thoughts that come to mind concerning your looks, your life, your past and future? When you listen in on what your inner voice says, write down the flow of thoughts so that you can examine them later on. Reflecting on the tone and words of your inner voice will help you to recognize it in future situations.
Another way to uncover what your inner voice has to say is to take note of when you suddenly feel sad, anxious, or angry. Ask yourself what just happened in that very moment in your mind? What caused the sudden switch of emotions? It is more often than not your inner voice that interrupted your mood and made you think negatively about the situation.
Once you are aware of your inner voice and learn to recognize it when it appears, then you can begin to challenge it. To challenge a critical inner voice, a dose of compassion is needed. For example, when you hear from your inner voice that you are never going to be successful, you counteract it by stating the opposite in a compassionate way. You can say, “I may be having a tough time right now, but I’m trying and that’s all that matters. I will succeed.”
What this does is that it begins to slowly decrease the power of the critical voice. Compassion will drown out the criticism. The more positive self-talk that you engage in, the less power your negative inner voice will have over you.
Allah (SWT) talks about the inner voice in the Qur’an in surah 50, ayah 16: “And We have already created man and know what his soul whispers to him, and We are closer to him than [his] jugular vein.”
Allah (SWT), our Creator, knows that He fashioned us with this inner voice that whispers to us. He (SWT) is reminding us that He knows what goes on inside of our minds. Even when we do not realize what is happening inside of our heads, Allah (SWT) is All-Aware. This ayah can give us comfort that when we have a critical, demeaning voice whispering to us, telling us we are not good enough or that we will never change, our Lord knows how mean that voice is being. He (SWT) is there with us when we are being belittled, and knowing this can give us comfort in trying times.
With the reassurance that Allah (SWT) is aware of all that is going on in your mind along with the determination to conquer your critical inner voice, you will have the willpower to succeed. The next step is following through with the tools required to challenge the voice on a daily basis so that it can be weakened to the point of no return. Do not allow the critical inner voice to bully you any longer. Begin to challenge it with a compassionate, understanding voice – one that you deserve to hear. This positive voice will then push you forward towards all that you have ever dreamed of achieving.
