I sat down in my room after watching pornography and I started crying. I felt spiritually sick as I didn’t feel like waking up for fajr. I was a sinner and I wondered how I could be forgiven. But I just couldn’t stop this dirty habit! “What was wrong with me?” I thought to myself, “Why did I do it again?” While sitting down, I thought to myself: I am in my twenties, I’m a graduate, I’m a professional, I want to get married, I want be an honest and a clean person with all the people I interact with, especially for my future spouse. I would always feel so emotionally sick afterwards because my body felt drained from all the hours that I wasted in front of the computer, when I could have been doing my Arabic homework. As a result, I never completed my homework and I fell behind in lessons and I felt embarrassed in front of my teacher and peers. I would somehow convince myself every single time that I will never ever do this again. But these broken promises continued. I was fed up of living a double life. I thought to myself, I cannot live a double life anymore. I don’t want to be a hypocrite. I want to be able to stand in prayer and live my life with true happiness that comes from the heart. From that moment on, I decided to join the Purify Your Gaze Program. Joining the program was the biggest relief for me in my life, because it was a wakeup call that I must change. I decided that I wanted to lead a life free of dichotomy, which for me this meant to stop living two lives that oppose each other; one where I was a different person outside the home and a different person when I was in my private space.
Here are three ways that the Purify Your Gaze Program brought relief into my life:
- I was socially isolated. Purify Your Gaze gave me a place to belong.
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- The Anonymity Factor.
- I immediately felt understood.