How Malik Made Space For His Emotions After Years Of Struggling With Shame And Porn Addiction

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After a long hiatus from recovery, Malik (name changed for privacy) a Purify Your Gaze member, shares his breakthrough in the area of having a healthy relationship with one’s emotions on his first Sobriety Mastermind meeting he attended.

Here are his realizations:

“I just got off my first Sobriety Mastermind call. I am so grateful to Allah (SWT) for allowing me to be a part of today’s group.

Alhamdulillah, by the grace of Allah (SWT), I made a significant breakthrough today. We were chatting about negative feelings and toxic shame/guilt.

I mentioned how this year was a very difficult year for me and one of the biggest reasons for that was how negative and hard I’ve been on myself. I mentioned to the group how even joining the mastermind today, I knew I would get acknowledged and welcomed back, and that it would make me feel good/happy, but that deep down it also made me hate myself because I was attributing this happiness to my lack of self-worth and needing validation from others.

Br. H then mentioned that he’s a pretty “simple” guy alhamdulillah.

He gave an example that if he saw an attractive woman at some location, that he would accept and acknowledge that she is attractive and address those emotions in a healthy, mature manner.

Then he can go about his day.

As he was sharing this insight, I couldn’t help but tear up because this is what I’ve been doing wrong over the past year.

Emotions Are Human And Actions Are Muslim

Br. H said, “Emotions are human, and actions are Muslim.”

That’s when I realized, it’s okay to feel!

Whether positive or negative, it’s okay to feel! I’ve been so busy being negative that anytime I felt positive emotions, I wouldn’t accept them and I would taint them with the notion that this was only me being pleased with the praise and acknowledgment I’m getting from others.

Ironically, I’m always looking for the negative emotions to kind of validate and justify where I am in my recovery, to play the victim so that I never have to take ownership of my self-care.

It Is Human To Feel, But What Does A Muslim Do With These Feelings

It is human to feel, but the question is, what does a Muslim do with those feelings?

When you feel positive feelings, acknowledge and accept them and attribute those to Allah (SWT), and when you feel negative emotions, turn to Allah (SWT) for help and guidance.

Either way, it should always lead back to Allah (SWT), and this is what I’ve been doing wrong.

I’ve wanted to kind of control what emotions I feel and when to feel them and I would numb out to emotions which I deemed unworthy given who I am and the state I’m currently in.

I mentioned in the call that a part of me did not like the positive feeling I was getting from being welcomed back, but I’m wrong.

I now accept it wholeheartedly and I appreciate it and all the people I’m blessed to “virtually” be surrounded with.

I’m even more grateful to Allah (SWT) for allowing me to be a part of such a blessed group.”

–End of Entry–

I am really grateful to Allah (SWT) for guiding me to this groupand allowing me to come back despite my hiatus. I will close with the following message from the me whose been suppressed for so many years:

“AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!”