12 Marriage Prep Advice Gems from Popular Muslim Speakers

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Here are a collection of inspirational and thought-provoking quotes from various Muslim speakers related to the topic of preparing for marriage, from their social media networks as well as from lectures they have given.

The quotes come in different flavors, from the internal to the external elements that are necessary to consider when one is on the path of getting married. Some of the quotes touch upon the spiritual aspect of getting married, others allow for much needed introspection, and others hint at pragmatism and the reality behind the union of marriage.

1. Marriage Is Not A Playground Where The Ego Thoughtlessly Pursues Its Vanities

“Marriage is not a playground where the ego thoughtlessly pursues its vanities. It is an institution that helps a man and a woman pursue the purpose of their creation: to glorify and worship Allah and to work, within the extent of our capabilities and resources, to make the world a better place for those we share it with and for those we will leave it to. This role is beautifully captured in the Qur’an, ‘The believing men and women are each other’s supporting friends. They enjoin right, forbid wrong, establish regular prayer, pay the poor due, and they obey Allah and His Messenger. They expect Allah's Mercy. Surely, Allah is Mighty, Wise.’ (At-Tawbah:71)”

Imam Zaid Shakir

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2. By Getting Married You Are Completing Yourself But Be Aware Of This...

By getting married, you are completing yourself. As they say, ‘I’m looking for my other half, or my better half.’ The issue here is that when a person tells themselves and they say, ‘I have issues right now, I don’t feel whole, I have problems with myself, but once I get married, my spouse will complete me, and all the problems that I’m dealing with in life, or my problems with iman, whatever else I am dealing with, my spouse will make up for that because she has these strengths that I want for myself, and I may have some strengths and we will complete each other.’

Islamically, subhanAllah, we don’t depend on our spouse to complete us. Our spouse can, but once again we can’t count on that. It’s also the issue of our relationship being whole with Allah SWT or at least striving to make our relationship whole with Allah SWT, and keeping that in mind before we get married. The most important thing is actually our relationship with Allah SWT. If your relationship with Allah SWT is fine, then your relationship will be helped by that. Once again, the issue is depending on your spouse to help you complete your iman.

The other issue we see here is that sometimes when you marry someone with the intention that they will complete you, or they will make me better and all that, we tend to put our self-worth in their hands. We tend to tell ourselves that our spouse will make us feel better about ourselves, and they are the ones that will make us whole. We forget that our self-worth is truly defined by our relationship with Allah SWT. And that’s an amazing, unbreakable thing. When a person puts their self-worth in their piety, or their relationship with Allah SWT, they will be secure in their relationship, because they don’t have that need to have their spouse always tell them ‘you are amazing, you’re perfect,’ which is all good, something spouses should do - they should encourage one another and praise one another, but they shouldn’t rely on that single factor to make themselves feel whole or make themselves feel complete.” 

Sh. Saad Tasleem

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3. Through Faith Confidently Knowing You've Met The One

“Faith, trust in God, is always part of the equation. That’s where you do your due diligence - you figure out who you are, what type of person is right for you. You find somebody you feel you are compatible with, you reach out to find out if there’s mutual interest, you may consult somebody, and you pray. We call it istikharah, seeking good from God.

How do you know it’s right though? Well Allah puts that in your heart that this is right, this is good for me. This is called faith, this is called confidence. That comes from Allah. But you have got to pray to Him and present your situation to him for Him to inspire that confidence within you. And then after that point, you have that faith, that confidence, you put your trust in Allah, that He’s looking out for you, He’s got your back, and that’s how you take that leap to actually making that formal proposal.”

Sh. Abdul Nasir Jangda

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4. The Role Of Your Values And Beliefs Serving As A Compass

”Preparing for marriage is more than searching for a spouse; it begins with discovering who you are as a person and what you will bring to a marriage. Identify what innate beliefs you hold because these are the things that are least likely to change about you. Your values and beliefs are your compass in life and will determine your lifestyle and the choices you make. Understanding what is important to you clarifies the type of person with whom you will be compatible. Reflection is a process of self-growth that can be difficult, but it shows maturity and a true understanding of the intensity of marriage. </p> <p>Ask yourself these questions: What is my personal set of life values? What are my fears? What are my strengths? What are my weaknesses? Identifying your flaws is equally important because it provides you with personal goals for self-improvement. It will also provide your future spouse insight into your weaknesses, as well as the things that may never change about you.”

Munira Lekovic Ezzeldine

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5. Seek Mentors That Can Share With You The Reality Of Married Life

”Seek mentors in the community that can share with you the reality of married life, walk you through the good and the bad. One of the unfortunate challenges in our communities is that love is not modeled. There is very little public display of affection. Remember! Our Prophet (sa) told people he loved his wife, modeling love. Since that model is not there, folks are left in the dark or forced to adopt the nearest example available. Communities that have the capacity should offer this service to people interested in marriage.”

Imam Suhaib Webb