Why You Could Be Afraid Of Actually Succeeding In Your Breaking Free From Unwanted Sexual Behaviors

This may sound a little bit crazy, but hear me out here for a minute…

Some people will register and pay for a program at Purify Your Gaze because they so badly want to get rid of this unwanted behavior in their life but then after that step, do nothing!

When the rubber meets the road, they do not do what is required to break free. I’ve gotten a chance to work with some of these brothers and sisters who did this before but then came around a second time and got a lot further with that personalized recovery support.

Take for example br. Hassan who had the following moment of truth with himself before he finally succeeded in committing himself to breaking free and staying away from his unwanted behavior:

This addiction served as an excuse for me for not achieving my goals and allowed me to live under the fantasy of what could be, rather than face the reality of what is. That’s what I’ve been afraid of…what is or to be more specific, who I really am.

He had known that he SHOULD be getting this addiction out of his life, but that would mean no more blaming his failures on the fact that he was addicted or that the goodness in his life is destroyed because of his ‘secret sin’. If there was nothing external to blame, it would leave him to look internally and he was not ready to face himself in that way!

It would mean no more instant joy, and losing that “fast, predictable relief” he found in pornography and masturbation. This had become his “normal” for so long that he was afraid of what coping through life and its challenges would look like.

The truth is he had lost the ability to cope healthily through life and the addiction served a major purpose for him that kept his life together. And for many individuals they fail to take that next step because believe it or not, they actually FEAR losing the “joy of porn” and are scared of the “new them” if they healed!

Recovery for him was an opportunity to be continually ready to face himself in the mirror and learn what taking responsibility for his life meant and was about.

Some individuals recognize this fear within themselves and it becomes an impediment or an obstacle to them taking a next step and participating in one of our supported programs be it Breaking Free, the Community, or through coaching.

They rationalize, “When I’m finally ready to give this up I will join the program.”

What they fail to recognize that making that commitment to being free and leading such a lifestyle is what the program will actually equip them with!

You can call this a public-service announcement but I’ll say it here again loud and clear: to be a good candidate for any of our programs, you are not required from day-one to quit cold-turkey and get it right and never fail again! (And that’s not a blank card to go out and purposefully indulge either!)

Recovery and the type of healing we hope you are able to experience in our programs is not one solely of you being free from your unwanted behaviors but then not being given the gift of options and life! Being free from any dependency is only part of the equation and the greater recipe for success is showing you the abundance that life has to offer you in ways to take care of yourself and nurture yourself.

To make that leap without a healthy alternative in place is a recipe for failure for many individuals which is why in the Breaking Free program we spend a lot of time trying to understand what unmet needs or secondary needs your unwanted behaviors are serving.

When you finally intimately understand yourself and what you are missing or needing in your life, you can better take care of yourself.

The methodology and philosophy I follow when it comes to sustainable change is not one where you deprive and punish yourself. When you take a path of health that is genuinely good for you, whatever it is you are leaving behind will be replaced by healthy options!

About the author

Zeyad Ramadan

Zeyad Ramadan is the founder of Purify Your Gaze. Through his leadership, Purify Your Gaze has served as the personal recovery guide for thousands of Muslims coming from over 35 different countries around the world in the various stages of their healing journey and has provided support to its members through its addiction recovery tools, its workshops, and personal 1-1 coaching. Zeyad has successfully lead workshops and delivered talks dealing with sexual intimacy, addiction recovery, embracing true gender roles, and spirituality. He currently lives with his wife and four kids in Orange County, California. Connect with Zeyad on Facebook and Twitter.