How Sister H Reclaimed Her True Self In Recovery

You may believe that success is only about counting the number of days that you are abstinent from your unwanted sexual behaviours. While that is a measure of success, it is not the greatest fruit of recovery.

Men and women who have sought some sort of help for their unwanted sexual behaviours in our programs, whether that be through joining a training program, or coaching, can testify that their greatest fruit of recovery was gaining the immense mental, emotional, and spiritual growth that came out of this process.

Here is what Sister H, who went through the Breaking Free Program, has to say about her recovery journey and changes this path has brought in her life, alhamdullilah:

“After years of hating myself and feeling that God hated me and treating myself poorly…I felt forgiven. I suddenly felt like the 10 year old version of myself: happy and carefree. I saw Allah working these changes (sometimes daily) seamlessly into my life and I opened my heart to the love.” – Sister H.

But to pick up and recover your lost or broken pieces is not always easy. As Sister H continues in her reflection:

“However, these fears were not faced in any easy manner. I was forced to feel emotions that I had always suppressed – anger, jealousy, heartbreak, fear of letting my loved ones down, and the overall pain and discomfort that comes with change. But with these emotions, I learned to finally stand up for myself and stood up to my family, coworkers, and friends.

“The conflicts that I always ran from I learned that I have to face and embrace respectfully. I finally had boundaries for myself and I was respecting myself as a human being with the right to feel different emotions.

“These negative emotions that I had always ran from became warnings to me and I embraced them as a sign that I need to take care of myself. Through the program I learned how to feel my emotions through. Instead of running from the feeling of anger and immediately dismissing it, I sat with it and let myself feel angry and let myself feel getting over it. I felt the dirt and grime that these emotions left on my heart be wiped away. This way, these emotions that always seemed so huge and bad in my head were put in perspective. I now know that I can feel them and still be in control and with a cleaner heart, my growth is easier.

“With the help of Allah and of Br. Zeyad, I learned how to love myself, Allah, and to unconditionally love those around me. This powerful sense of love in my life has completed destroyed the need for the fake substitute I was getting firstly by living in fear of conflict and secondly from pornography.” – Sister H.

This story of healing is all too common amongst those who are recovering from their unwanted sexual behaviours, and it can be possible for you as well.

But it all starts with a decision that nobody else but you can make. The decision that “I want to recover too.”

And after you’ve made that decision, you need to then take that first step. The first step is always difficult to take, but it is Allah’s promise to help those who are sincere in walking on His path.

Once you are working on your recovery consistently you will notice the benefits that go beyond the apparent that can and will trickle down into your life like a domino effect, and change it all together. In sha Allah.

About the author

Zeyad Ramadan

Zeyad Ramadan is the founder of Purify Your Gaze. Through his leadership, Purify Your Gaze has served as the personal recovery guide for thousands of Muslims coming from over 35 different countries around the world in the various stages of their healing journey and has provided support to its members through its addiction recovery tools, its workshops, and personal 1-1 coaching. Zeyad has successfully lead workshops and delivered talks dealing with sexual intimacy, addiction recovery, embracing true gender roles, and spirituality. He currently lives with his wife and four kids in Orange County, California. Connect with Zeyad on Facebook and Twitter.

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