How I Learned to Prioritize Healing Every Day

I never owned a laptop before, but I decided it was about time to get one. In a way I never expected, I became consumed by an urge to set up my new device with all kinds of apps and software. Day after day, I found hours slipping through my fingers as I sat in …

What If In Two Years Nothing Has Changed?

February 2nd, 2017 “This is the fourth time this month. A well-meaning brother asks me if I’m looking to get married. Obviously, I would love to. But I haven’t gone more than two months without acting out. More than five years ago I started my recovery. Who would have thought I’d still be right here. …

My Addiction – A Hidden Blessing, Not A Curse

When I first learned of Purify Your Gaze, I thought I knew what would happen next: I’ll join this 5 week training program, I’ll take really good notes, and soon enough, I’ll be saying goodbye to my addiction. Addiction, to me, was a curse, I had no doubt about it, and all I needed was …

Emotionally Surrendering to Allah: The 2 Things That Made It Impossible

I was about to start my usual drive back from school. I stopped short of opening the car door and looked up at the afternoon sky. Rather than responding with awe and admiration at Allah’s creation, my heart responded with skepticism and dismissal. What is going on? At that moment, I knew that something internal …

Why Despite My Efforts I Was Not Able To Break Free

I wake up early in the morning, and I get ready to go off to Fajr prayer, because going to Fajr is important to me. Although, I don’t share it with anyone, I’m furious. As I drive to meet my Lord, I give the empty passenger chair a backhanded blow with my right arm. My …