12 Marriage Prep Advice Gems from Popular Muslim Speakers

Here are a collection of inspirational and thought-provoking quotes from various Muslim speakers related to the topic of preparing for marriage, from their social media networks as well as from lectures they have given.

The quotes come in different flavors, from the internal to the external elements that are necessary to consider when one is on the path of getting married. Some of the quotes touch upon the spiritual aspect of getting married, others allow for much needed introspection, and others hint at pragmatism and the reality behind the union of marriage.

1.

“Marriage is not a playground where the ego thoughtlessly pursues its vanities. It is an institution that helps a man and a woman pursue the purpose of their creation: to glorify and worship Allah and to work, within the extent of our capabilities and resources, to make the world a better place for those we share it with and for those we will leave it to. This role is beautifully captured in the Qur’an, ‘The believing men and women are each other’s supporting friends. They enjoin right, forbid wrong, establish regular prayer, pay the poor due, and they obey Allah and His Messenger. They expect Allah’s Mercy. Surely, Allah is Mighty, Wise.’ (At-Tawbah:71)”

Source

Imam Zaid Shakir

2.

“…By getting married, you are completing yourself. As they say, ‘I’m looking for my other half, or my better half.’ The issue here is that when a person tells themselves and they say, ‘I have issues right now, I don’t feel whole, I have problems with myself, but once I get married, my spouse will complete me, and all the problems that I’m dealing with in life, or my problems with iman, whatever else I am dealing with, my spouse will make up for that because she has these strengths that I want for myself, and I may have some strengths and we will complete each other.’

Islamically, subhanAllah, we don’t depend on our spouse to complete us. Our spouse can, but once again we can’t count on that. It’s also the issue of our relationship being whole with Allah SWT or at least striving to make our relationship whole with Allah SWT, and keeping that in mind before we get married. The most important thing is actually our relationship with Allah SWT. If your relationship with Allah SWT is fine, then your relationship will be helped by that. Once again, the issue is depending on your spouse to help you complete your iman.

The other issue we see here is that sometimes when you marry someone with the intention that they will complete you, or they will make me better and all that, we tend to put our self-worth in their hands. We tend to tell ourselves that our spouse will make us feel better about ourselves, and they are the ones that will make us whole. We forget that our self-worth is truly defined by our relationship with Allah SWT. And that’s an amazing, unbreakable thing. When a person puts their self-worth in their piety, or their relationship with Allah SWT, they will be secure in their relationship, because they don’t have that need to have their spouse always tell them ‘you are amazing, you’re perfect,’ which is all good, something spouses should do – they should encourage one another and praise one another, but they shouldn’t rely on that single factor to make themselves feel whole or make themselves feel complete.”

Source

Sh. Saad Tasleem

3.

“Faith, trust in God, is always part of the equation. That’s where you do your due diligence – you figure out who you are, what type of person is right for you. You find somebody you feel you are compatible with, you reach out to find out if there’s mutual interest, you may consult somebody, and you pray. We call it istikharah, seeking good from God.

How do you know it’s right though? Well Allah puts that in your heart that this is right, this is good for me. This is called faith, this is called confidence. That comes from Allah. But you have got to pray to Him and present your situation to him for Him to inspire that confidence within you. And then after that point, you have that faith, that confidence, you put your trust in Allah, that He’s looking out for you, He’s got your back, and that’s how you take that leap to actually making that formal proposal.”

Source

Sh. Abdul Nasir Jangda

4.

“Preparing for marriage is more than searching for a spouse; it begins with discovering who you are as a person and what you will bring to a marriage. Identify what innate beliefs you hold because these are the things that are least likely to change about you. Your values and beliefs are your compass in life and will determine your lifestyle and the choices you make. Understanding what is important to you clarifies the type of person with whom you will be compatible. Reflection is a process of self-growth that can be difficult, but it shows maturity and a true understanding of the intensity of marriage.

Ask yourself these questions: What is my personal set of life values? What are my fears? What are my strengths? What are my weaknesses? Identifying your flaws is equally important because it provides you with personal goals for self-improvement. It will also provide your future spouse insight into your weaknesses, as well as the things that may never change about you.”

Source

Munira Lekovic Ezzeldine

5.

“Seek mentors in the community that can share with you the reality of married life, walk you through the good and the bad. One of the unfortunate challenges in our communities is that love is not modeled. There is very little public display of affection. Remember! Our Prophet (sa) told people he loved his wife, modeling love. Since that model is not there, folks are left in the dark or forced to adopt the nearest example available. Communities that have the capacity should offer this service to people interested in marriage.”

Source

Imam Suhaib Webb

6.

“‘What goes wrong in the first two years of marriage?’

What does really go wrong? One of the things I have seen amongst young professionals is the culture and concept of instant gratification. Many of the younger generations today grew up in a culture that gratifies them instantly – they need the jolt of joy immediately. They don’t like to wait.

Life doesn’t move that fast, like a wifi connection or a YouTube video. Life has its own pace – it’s a little bit slow, but it’s sure. The young people today are not used to the slow pace, to the things that need to take time for them to develop. The moment they get married, they want everything that they thought that marriage promises them to get and they’ll need it right away: and that is happiness. Happiness for them is a goal that they want to achieve instantly, but unfortunately they can’t achieve it that easily. Happiness is not a goal you achieve – instead, it’s a result of being satisfied. Allah says in the Qur’an ‘And soon He shall give you until you are satisfied.’ (Ad-Duha:5). He didn’t say ‘until you are happy.’ If you are satisfied with what you have, regardless of how much that is, you will always be happy. But if you’re not satisfied with what you have, regardless how great that is, you’ll never be happy. And marriage is one of those things that unfortunately people, they always try to be happy in the relationship, not realizing that being satisfied can bring the best happiness in their relationship.”

Source

Sh. Yaser Birjas

7.

“What is it that you are looking for in a spouse? Why do you want to get married in the first place? Do you just want to get married because you need someone in life just to go out with, to go and make Hajj one day with or just to have a mahram? If those are the only things you are thinking about, it’s a sign that you are not be ready for marriage yet. If you start thinking about, ‘I want to be mature, I want to have children, I want to be able to provide a good life for that mister or misses. I want to be able to take care of them, I want that Wali-ship or that guardianship on my shoulders, and I want the reward from Allah aza wa jal’ – If you start thinking along those lines, this is your strongest indicator that insha Allah you’re ready for marriage.”

Source

Sh. Musleh Khan

8.

“You cannot expect sexual sins to not impact your future. With the belief that everything is magically fixed with marriage, people dive forward thinking there is no way their past will impact their relationship. There are so many subtle ways sins affect you life, like small termites chewing on the wood frame of a house, eating away at the foundation until everything crumbles. Yes, even with tawbah, the damage from sin can stay with you until you have effectively worked through every last one of them, finally reclaiming the sexual experience as one that is pure, worship, and free of the baggage of your past.”

Source

Megan Wyatt

9.

“Marriage is all about trust. One of the pivotal ayat about marriage is surah An-Noor. It starts with those who violate the sanctity of marriage, and it deals with the scandal of the Prophet (SAW), the accusation made to ‘Aishah (as). And it deals with some rules that should be observed in the house.

Those rules have been set in place, and then in this same surah, Allah talks about the ayat of Nur, the light in the heart. Everything else seems to be related to marriage and guarding haya, and all of a sudden, there’s a conversation about the deepest elements of spirituality, probably the most profound passage in the Qur’an on spirituality of this same surah. We’re being taught that observing these things will help your spirituality, and violating these things will hurt your spirituality. The light in your heart will be damaged if you don’t address these things, they hurt these things.”

Source

Nouman Ali Khan

10.

“Before seeking marriage, prepare yourself to be a husband or wife. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, ‘The believers most perfect in faith are those best in character. And the best of you are those best to their spouses.’ The key to preparing and the opportunity that one must ready oneself for are clear.”

Source

Sh. Faraz Rabbani

11.

“Sometimes the person that excites you most isn’t necessarily going to make the best husband or wife. It takes a lot to see past the glamor and glitter when you’re looking to get married and look for someone who’s going to be a loving companion that will stand by your side no matter what and better you, while also seeking to be bettered by you.”

Source

Sh. Omar Suleiman

12.

“Unfortunately, for many men, sex has become something primal and mechanical. It’s the result of neediness and weakness. They need to have sex simply to let go of their tension and having one’s entire focus on getting to that release as quickly as possible. For that momentary pleasure, all of this is destroying the spiritual gateway, the potential that sex has and was meant for the man and his wife.

It has the potential to be one of the most loving, the most spiritual, the most greatest acts between a man and a woman. It has the potential to bring the hearts closer, to bring about admiration of each other. Not from the external point, not from the body in terms of its appearance but to see and to be seen by the soul of each other. That’s the nakedness of the heart.

The nakedness of the bodies bring two souls together and these two souls, these two human beings – by being vulnerable, by being naked, by being exposed of their heart – that’s what allows that deep spiritual connection. “

Source

Zeyad Ramadan

Which quotes have resonated with you the most?

About the author

Zeyad Ramadan

Zeyad Ramadan is the founder of Purify Your Gaze. Through his leadership, Purify Your Gaze has served as the personal recovery guide for thousands of Muslims coming from over 35 different countries around the world in the various stages of their healing journey and has provided support to its members through its addiction recovery tools, its workshops, and personal 1-1 coaching. Zeyad has successfully lead workshops and delivered talks dealing with sexual intimacy, addiction recovery, embracing true gender roles, and spirituality. He currently lives with his wife and four kids in Orange County, California. Connect with Zeyad on Facebook and Twitter.